Covid-19 – How would it look if your time was limited?

Here I sit, all cozy by the fireplace with my family around me. My husband reading bedtime stories to our three children. This time of night is our favourite family time. We get to unplug and get lost into a great story together. Tonight we are in the Land of Stories and devouring how many dimensions and worlds could exist. The questions our kids ask, do we have different dimensions, do you think we could travel into our books. The stories they make up and the world they would love to create is magical. The mystery and imagination in each child is incredible and we together devour each others stories and encourage them. My husband and I enjoy these moments, we look forward to reading at night all snuggled as a family.

Our children are four, eight and nine. They are at a time in their life where everything around them is new. They have little they can control and they look to us for their safety and  comfort. Covid-19 gave us a gift, a gift I did not know that we needed or even wanted. We were given a summer where we all got to be together. My husband worked from home. We had every meal together at the table, and we played together as a family.  We got to know our kids and they got to know each other. Each one of my children is unique and has their own special personality traits. This means that they all had to work closely together, be patient and kind, and love the quirks in each other.  We spent time playing hopscotch, floating down many rivers, jumping off the boat at dusk, and swimming at night. We all laughed, we all smiled, and we all hugged each other daily. We hugged because we were happy, we were happy being together, we were happy with the experiences that the summer afforded us.

With the cool crisp air surrounding us and the leaves changing colour, life is changing. We are getting back into fall routines, the kids are back at school and sports are restarting.  The effects of Covid-19 are now being felt. I want to go back and escape to the summer where we stayed as a family unit and could blissfully ignore what was happening around the world. Alas that is not possible, the days keep going.

As any parent knows, these years go fast. The time you have with your young children can never be regained. We get one chance to enjoy them, support them, and build them up to be confident in who they want to be. In our Covid world things are different. The experiences are different, some great and some sad.

How would you feel if you knew your days with your family were limited because you were immunosuppressed and tomorrow was not guaranteed, regardless of Covid-19? How would you feel if you did not know how much time you had to influence your children to be empathetic, loving humans that contributed to a better world? We are now in a Covid world, and I am that person whose time is not guaranteed. Initially, reports suggested that those with my disease had a life expectancy of fewer than 5 years. They are learning now that it can be longer if you control the disease, but no one knows. Would that change how you looked at Covid-19?

Our relaxed, joyful, patient four year old finally got to start hockey this year. This has been something he has been waiting for, in his mind, for forever. He has watched his brother and sister play for years. He has been dragged to the rink, frozen, and forced to support his siblings while they played hockey. It is finally his year, finally his time to have his siblings support him and watch him learn how to skate. However, this year only one parent gets to see his firsts. The first time on the ice, the first time in those dressing rooms, which to him are a BIG deal, but he gets no family support. Explain that to a four year old. Explain that to a mom that might not make it next year, that we together as a family don’t get to sit in the stands and cheer on this little brother that supported the whole family with no complaints, the best family cheerleader. 

I understand that many people are dying from Covid and that too is hard to watch and understand the sheer numbers of people around the world. As a mother who is immune compromised I get it, I want as many days as possible, but I want to still live my life and have our family live life to the fullest.  If I knew these were my last few years, I would not want them to be spent afraid, afraid of the unknown. I would want to enjoy my family. I would want to travel the world and see my daughter’s eyes light up when she sees the Eiffel Tower. This has been a dream of hers. We were planning a trip there for the summer of 2021. Do we cancel because of fear or live our life and experience this together as a family? 

I remember going to Disneyland when I was nine years old, I fell in love. I told myself that when I was an adult I would go as often as I could with my children. Disneyland sparks my internal joy. This Christmas we were taking our family to Legoland for our ten year olds birthday, visiting Disneyland and seeing the Rose Bowl Parade, a bucket item list for my dad. As a family we have been waiting for over ten years to be able to take my parents to the Rose Bowl parade. My parents finally retired and were able to holiday at that time of year. That trip got cancelled. I now wait for next year, will we all be healthy enough and will we be able to travel. I understand that taking older parents to the USA is a risk, getting insurance would be expensive. This was a risk that our extended family was not willing to take. I wonder how much living and how much life we are missing out on, we had all been waiting for this trip for a long time.

People are afraid, people are living with the unknown and that might just be the most frightening part. What is this virus, how does it actually spread and what is the mortality rate. We have stopped living everyday to the fullest and we now judge those around us for not wearing masks, a little cough or walking the wrong way down the aisle at the grocery store. This is not the world we want and not the world we want our kids to grow up in. We are constantly teaching our children to not judge based on colour, creed or religion and here we are as adults judging those on how they move through a grocery store. This has been built by fear, fear of the unknown.

What would happen if everyone lived like this was their last year. Would spend it judging who was or wasn’t not wearing a mask. Would you spend it locked inside your house because you might get a virus. You also might get T-boned in an intersection? Where is the balance? How do we live everyday like it is our last and stay safe? If these are the last few years I have, I don’t want them to be cooped up in our house, I want to explore and enjoy what this world has to offer. 

The Covid-19 world that we live in is a difficult one. Where do we find that balance. I want to be healthy, keep my loved ones healthy and those around me, but I also want to make sure we keep living the life we have been given. We have only been given one life and you never know when your time is up. There has to be a balance, a way to still enjoy those precious moments, have the experiences but still remain safe. Life can not be spent worrying about dying from this virus as your time can come to end at any time for any reason. Live your life safely, cautiously and to the fullest that you can.